Scared Shataki Mushrooms

A discussion that went on and on,
about a topic that I have strayed from.
Stayed away from.

Religion. God. god. gods. the Eternal. the One. the Word. the Lord. He she it.
Symbolically or metaphorically; a relic or a spirit.

Scared shitless I am. If I died right now, God, god, gods, the Eternal, the One, the Word, the Lord, he she it, would look at me and ask,

"You want to get into Heaven? Utopia? The everlasting Zion? The Afterworld that everyone likes?"

And I would stare at God, god, gods, the Eternal, the One, the Word, the Lord, he she it, and be too ashamed to say yes, I want to be in Heaven, Utopia, the everlasting Zion, the Afterworld that everyone likes.

Everyone that believes in a Christian religion believes that I shall go to Hell, the Eternal Abyss, purgatory, Hades, the inferno.

My Friends all think that I am not worthy of a life in Heaven, Utopia, the everlasting Zion, the afterworld that everyone likes.

My views are skewed, a straight line that became a magnificent painting including the red wheel barrow glazed with rain water, and a woman bent, looking into the sky as it slowly opens up and there is God, god, gods, the Eternal, the One, the Word, the Lord, he she it, about to pass judgement upon her and the rest of the ever-populated world about who will enter Heaven, Utopia, the everylasting Zion, the afterworld that everyone likes, and who will enter Hell, the Eternal Abyss, purgatory, Hades, the inferno.

She is scared shitless. The look on her face is a mix of terror, fear, desparity, passion, empathy, ectasy, concern, sorrow, joy, astoundment, and love, because she doesn't know where God, god, gods, the Eternal, the One, the Word, the Lord, he she it, will place her.

Predestined? Then who gives a shit. I'll live my life how I will. If I were predestined to accept (or be denied) God, god, gods, the Eternal, the One, the Word, the Lord, he she it, then I could become the next Hitler. The next Stalin. The next Mother Theresa. The next Pope. The next ordinary Joe employed at his corperate job or the next Peaches and Cream working the street corner for her pimp.

I stumble, I fall, I crumble when God, god, gods, the Eternal, the One, the Word, the Lord he she it, is discussed. I become weak, a jello mold that breaks and the jello mixture just flows out of the crack, never able to become the jiggly deliciousness that is Jello.

I am the woman bent, looking into the sky as it slowly opens up and there is God, god, gods, the Eternal, the One, the Word, the Lord, he she it, about to pass judgement upon

me. myself. and I myself.

"Be at peace with God (god, gods, the Eternal, the One, the Word, the Lord, he she it),
whatever you perceive him to be"
--Desiderata

There is no combination of words
I could put on the back of a postcard
And no song that I could sing, but I can try for your heart
Our dreams, and they are made out of real things
Like a shoebox of photographs with sepia tone loving

Love is the answer
At least for most of the questions in my heart
Why are we here and where do we go
And how come it's so hard
It's not always easy and sometimes life can be deceiving
I'll tell you one thing
It's always better when we're together

Mmm, it's always better when we're together
Yeah, we'll look at the stars when we're together
Well, it's always better when we're together
Yeah, it's always better when we're together

And all of these moments just might find a way into my dreams tonight
But I know that they'll be gone when the morning light sings
Or brings new things for tomorrow night you see
That they'll be gone too, too many things I have to do
But if all of these dreams might find their way into my day to day scene
I'd be under the impression I was somewhere in between
With only two, just me and you, not so many things we got to do
Or places we got to be, we'll sit beneath the mango tree now

Yeah, it's always better when we're together
Mmm, we're somewhere in between together
Well, it's always better when we're together
Yeah, it's always better when we're together (mmm)

I believe in memories, they look so, so pretty when I sleep
And when I wake up, you look so pretty sleeping next to me
But there is not enough time
And there is no, no song I could sing
And there is no combination of words I could say
But I will still tell you one thing
We're better together
--Jack Johnson

Come up to meet you, tell you I'm sorry
You don't know how lovely you are
I had to find you, tell you I need you
Tell you i set you apart

Tell me your secrets and ask me your questions
Oh let's go back to the start
Running in circles, coming up tails
Heads on a silence apart

Nobody said it was easy, it's such a shame for us to part
Nobody said it was easy, no one ever said it would be this hard
Oh take me back to the start

I was just guessing at numbers and figures
Pulling your puzzles apart
Questions of science, science and progress
Do not speak as loud as my heart

Tell me you love me, come back and haunt me
Oh and I rush to the start
Running in circles, chasing our tails
Coming back as we are

Nobody said it was easy, Oh it's such a shame for us to part
Nobody said it was easy, no one ever said it would be so hard

I'm going back to the start
--Coldplay

getting there

I hate you.


I hate you. I hate you. I hate you.
nope didn't work.


I dislike you.


I dislike you. I dislike you. I dislike you.
nope. still didn't work.




I can tolerate you.


I can tolerate you. I can tolerate you. I can tolerate you.
shit. still didn't work.


I like you.


I like you. I like you. I like you.--damn it! did
not. work.




I.
I
i love you.
i love you i love you iloveyou.


Your turn.